Trust vs. Control – Day 7

Transformation and Advent

December 7, 2020

Day 7

We have been working on this website since August or September. Everything was based on a design that my friend and I had set up 4 years ago, at that time at www.christianeschicker.de.

At the beginning of November the site with the refreshed content was as good as finished - I was quite satisfied ... but ... the response was not as expected. I also noticed bugs again and again. One day my IT specialist from Hamburg gave himself a jerk and said: so much has happened since 2016 as you can attract and retain users on websites. I have an idea - will you give me a few days? I actually wanted to start with the acquisition and be a lot further.

But there was something in his voice that told me - he has courage and he wants to produce something really good. I choosed to trust him.

A few days later, the new, much more intuitive, fresher, lighter design was visible. There was no reason to control every step of his work.

Control - that sounds like the inner critic that I mentioned in yesterday's post: Everything has to be "right", otherwise it is "wrong". That is so incredibly restrictive: by trusting, I can be surprised for the "other", the "new".

There is potential in trust so that something can arise and grow. Control, on the other hand, is reminiscent of ready-made templates or stereotypes - anything that does not match the criteria for control is assessed as waste. Control is binary, trust is multidimensional.

Trust always includes the vulnerability that it can go wrong. There is therefore responsibility in trust - responsibility for the consequences. This responsibility is never just borne by one person in a relationship, rather the responsibility is something that is shared: If I hadn't liked the new design, I would have had the responsibility to communicate it very clearly - without blaming the other person for it or accuse him of a mistake. Taking responsibility means that you consider together what the consequence of the mistake or defeat is and what you can do "differently" so that the result is better. However, I mostly experience - whether in private relationships or in a professional environment - that my trust is seldom disappointed. Rather, what outweighs the surprise at a result that is completely "different" than I had expected - a result that would never have come about if I had constantly monitored the execution.

This website has also been a pleasant surprise for me - it's really fun to go "to the marketplace" with it!